It is 5.00am. I am awake thinking about a job we didn’t get yesterday. I am stewing on the fact that it was maybe something we did or didn’t do that influenced the client’s decision the wrong way. It was a good contract and I love working with them! Actually I was fuming yesterday afternoon but now I am just stewing. It’s all pretty emotional really, but then running the company is an emotional experience. When you ultimately run the show, losing an opportunity can feel like the end of the world, but then my real strength as a leader has always been getting over a lost opportunity by learning from the mistake or simply accepting it was out of my control, then winning the next one.
One thing I realise is that the day ‘losing the opportunity’ doesn’t hurt anymore I should step down from my job. If you want to be a key leader you need to care about what you do or you should give it away. And I hate this hurting feeling. I get so angry about what I see as unnecessary failure…I think that’s the high achiever in me. I know sometimes I get ridiculous because I am a truly intense individual. But in my view you need to feel hurt when you don’t achieve a goal or a favorable outcome. Not that I can show it to my people. I try not to show my disappointments although my people will tell you sometimes it spews over. I don’t like to focus on negatives.
This lost opportunity seems due to a change of thought process internal to our client although on Monday we will sit down and evaluate the circumstances and decide if there was any more we could have done as a team. Maybe we can get back in the race somehow. We havent missed out on many big contracts lately. We have got a really good proposal to trade ratio because in this area our product is spot on……but it still hurts.
What I do need to remember is that we had word today that one of my favourite clients in Asia has asked for a lot of training over the next few months. It’s funny how I woke up worrying about the one we didn’t get instead of rejoicing about what we won. Yes I must remember to remind the team about the one we got!
Anyway I better get some sleep. I want to run 12km in the morning. I have had a busy week and haven’t achieved my fitness goal yet which will get me uptight.