Performance Management needs to Embrace Behaviour

The Power of Patterns of Behaviour

The repeated patterns of management and employee behaviour become the culture of a group of workers. Culture, in turn, has a significant impact upon Employer Brand, Performance and Organisational Compliance. It is a very powerful element of any organisation. The Age newspaper in Melbourne, yesterday carried an article where employees spoke about the ‘general’ organisational culture being ‘toxic’, ‘cold’ and ‘poisonous’. Interestingly, these descriptions may not actually refer to the organisational culture at all. They most likely refer to patterns of behaviour within a team, area or department of the organisation. When people describe organisational culture, they are often describing their immediate experience with the behaviour of direct managers and team members. Simply put, if we remove individual and team behaviour from the performance management agenda, we are putting the organisational culture at risk.

Behaviour can be Difficult to Discuss

Of all the elements of performance management, behaviour is one of the most challenging. This is because it is often hard for a manager to put their finger on exactly what the behavioural problem is. Furthermore, there is something very personal about talking about a person’s behavioural challenges. Setting behavioural expectations is important. Having a set of ’aspirational’ behaviours can be a very helpful starting point. Teams of leaders or employees can develop and reference 4 to 6 key behaviours that are non-negotiable elements of their team and management cultures. For example one organisation aspired to the leadership behaviour ‘whenever possible, listen before you give your opinion’. The statement is clear and observable.

Managers Do need a License to talk about Behaviour

The license to talk about behaviour is earned by managers behaving in line with the ‘aspirational’ behaviours of the organisation and, when they get it wrong, having the courage to say so. Very few people in Australian work places accept the notion of ‘one way for my manager, another way for me’. That is because acting in line with what you prescribe to others is part of the ‘fairness’ paradigm. Being treated with fairness is perhaps the most important attribute Australian employees seek from their employers. For more information on workplace values, see the results of our 2010 Australian Professional Employee Values (APEV) Survey. Clint Eastwood once said ’A good man knows his limitations’. How true. If you as a manager don’t know your behavioural weakness, any meaningful adjustment is going to be difficult. You don’t need to make a public announcement about these weaknesses, but know the situations that bring out the ‘wrong’ behaviours and work hard to adjust your reactions or avoid the situations. Inevitably, the license to talk to others about their behaviour comes from a manager being a role model. That isn’t always easy.

Let’s Talk About Behaviour

Modern managers need to accept that part of their role includes being a coach about behaviour. He or she needs to believe that they have a responsibility to build and preserve an engaging work culture and that the standard of behaviour is fundamental to this. When it comes to coaching on behaviour managers need to be specific. For example, a manager should not just say to an employee ‘you were really effective in that client meeting today’. A better way would be to say ‘I thought it was very effective how you allowed the client to voice their concerns about the service timelines before you shared your own views’. Similarly, during a feedback or performance counselling session on poor behaviour it is extremely important to be very specific about the behaviour, discuss the potential impacts of that behaviour and agree what is acceptable behaviour into the future. For example: ‘I noticed at the end of last weeks meeting you said to John that he almost put you to sleep when talking about the new filing system. Do you remember saying that?…………Given that his concerns were legitimate and he needs the system to do his job, how do you think he might have felt when you said that?…………What would be a more acceptable way of expressing your concerns about the timing of the meeting?’. When coaching or counselling on behaviour make it a discussion rather than a lecture. Behavioural modification in an educated society rarely comes from tyrannical imposition. And Finally…… Organisations that are strong about values are strong about behaviour. Ultimately values are lived out through the day to day behaviours of teams and individuals. Not everyone is prepared to change. Smart managers know that they have a role as educators. That includes educating on behaviour. Smart managers also know that if we are constantly negotiating with employees on the right behaviours it is both exhausting and a misuse of management time. Our job as managers is to articulate what behaviour is acceptable, role model, provide positive reinforcement to those who do it well and be prepared to act when individuals consistently get it wrong. That is all about caring for the culture. For more information on iHR Australia’s In-house or Public Performance Management and EEO & Anti-bullying Training programs click here or contact us on 1300 884 687.

Autocratic Management: Is there a place for it in the modern workplace?

Quite clearly there is no place for constant and repeated highly directive and ‘one way communication’ behaviours in a modern workplace. While the NSW and Victorian OHS guidelines allege that the autocratic management style heightens the risk of workplace bullying and harassment claims, the real issue is that smart employees don’t want to work with an autocrat. Autocrats like to think people appreciate their ’hard-nosed’ approach and revere them as business legends but these days they are just out of date dinosaurs that people avoid when possible. That’s why some of us have had to change our behaviour.

April early 1980s: I remember sitting in the dressing room waiting for the coach to address us. It was a blustering windy Autumn day. The first official game of a new football season and I was to turn 19 years of age the next day. We were 47 points behind (which in an Australian Rules football game is quite a margin). I had kicked the first 2 goals of the game but had hardly got another kick. The team looked exhausted and we were depressed. The coach began his rant. He explained that we had not honored the jumper, that were not even deserving of the wooden plank like seat upon which we sat and that if we continued to perform in such a way ‘heads would role’. He then began to individualise our poor performances. Two or three of us copped it. He included me by screaming ‘Bell you are a squibber (Chicken)! Five times I have watched you avoid hard contact. You should be f***ing ashamed of yourself. I don’t know how you can look your mates in the face!’. I felt humiliated and stupid. I was young and probably over sensitive. True, I went back out in the second half of the game and became far more daring. Running for the ball at a fierce almost ridiculous pace swearing at my coach with every hard tackle that I laid. I hated him. Then 10 minutes after half time the ball found its way between me and two huge bodied opponents, I ran toward the ball head down. They ran toward me and hit me with a foul blow to the head and body. Then the lights went out. I was knocked out and carried from the field. Apparently after the loss we suffered the coach singled out my courageous acts to the others. But he’d lost me forever. A few times more he humiliated me at team functions when he was full of beer. He was old style. He was eighties style when coaches, managers and politicians thought it was ok to throw insults or objects at people without fear or consequence. I didn’t want to play for him let alone give any discretionary effort.

A year later I was playing under a new coach. He used to ring me two nights before each game and talk to me about how he had visions for me as a leader at the club. He reminded me of the great things I had done the week before and things that I could improve about my game for the coming week. He was a young guy in his late 20’s and was coaching a very young side.

I loved playing for Mark. I improved significantly that year until a barrage of leg injuries cut short my time. But I always remember him. He was one of the first managers (in the form of a football coach) I ever observed who could maintain a consistent message but individualise the communication style to suit his audience. I wanted to play for him because he made me feel like my contribution was important. That the team would be worse off without me and that he actually cared about how I felt. He would constantly ask for my opinions on team performance and tactics and would ask me to try new tactics and positions on the ground. Mark was the first manager who could motivate me. He was more than just a coach. He was a leader.

Reflex Management Postures and Behaviours

In my leadership programs, I emphasise a concept of ‘Reflex Postures and Behaviour’. These are the management styles and behaviours we revert to under pressure. And because managers are often under pressure in work situations our people often observe these. The styles (postures) range autocratic to avoidance; the behaviours dominating to indecisive. What I say to my participants is that you need to be clear about what your reflex postures and behaviours actually are. As Clint Eastwood once said ‘A good man knows his limitations’. If you don’t know them you are unlikely to be able to ever adjust them and, for those of us who are natural autocrats, we become irrelevant. The message clearly being that being predominantly autocratic in style will no longer cut it in the modern workplace. Yet to change personality is extremely difficult. To change behavioral patterns is hard but more possible. Strangely enough I am beginning to believe with behavioural change we can actually achieve a personality shift.

Education and technology have significantly contributed to the perception that an engaging workplace is one where the employee feels empowered to take some level of control of his or her work and environment. If your reflex style is autocratic then you have some work to do…just as I did.

Two Critical Behaviours for the Natural Autocrat or Dominant Personality

There are many people who are naturally autocratic in style. They like to keep control and are not overly comfortable with handing that control over to others. This may be because of their experiences and influences throughout life and / or a personality that is simply controlling by nature; or even a work ethic that tells that them that get autocratic style behaviours mixed up with accountability. For those of us with this natural style it is important is to recognise and accept who we are and to learn to work with it. Quite clearly, if you act as an autocrat in a modern business environment, the majority of people won’t want to work with you. While some around you may admire your hard-nosed commitment, generally educated people will shun you and see you as ‘old news’ and potentially a bully. Their behavior will generally be to work around you not with you.

Therefore, I have discovered, given my own naturally forceful nature, three behaviours that are critical to me achieving better engagement with the people that work with me.

1. When possible, listen before talking. Whether one on one or in a meeting situation with our people, this sounds easy, but for those of us with a controlling disposition it is extraordinarily challenging. An autocrat’s reflex behavior is to do the talking because we feel our control can’t be challenged. Of course it’s not, it simply feels that way. The power of this behavior is that it encourages people to talk to you, listen more intently when you do speak to them and gives them a sense that you value their opinions and ideas. The result is greater engagement that leads to higher levels of discretionary effort and confident decision making thus lifting performance. The natural autocrat will get it wrong sometimes but keep trying and it will become habit.

2. Let others have a turn chairing the meetings. The autocrat will feel on the back foot straight away with this one. It will be really uncomfortable for you at first but empowering to others. Remember your reflex behaviour is to take charge because you see that as your responsibility and / or it is a deep need. However, sharing the chair will encourage accountability and a sense of value among those who take on the role (not all will want to). That will naturally encourage leadership and build confidence and ultimately lift performance.

3. When possible (and if authentic) tell others that you trust them to make a decision. You can’t make trusting someone up, but when you do trust them say it. Your reflex feeling is not necessarily to trust others and your reflex behaviour is either to do it yourself or direct people on how to make a decision. If people don’t feel trusted they won’t feel valued. In any workforce undervalued employees feel less motivated and less engaged thus having a negative impact on performance. Without doubt, these three behaviours won’t come easy, but they will be culture changing and allow you to focus on what a leader should be. That is, taking the organisation forward.

Effective Leader, Good Leader or Neither? The Osama Bin Laden Question

Bill Gates

Osama Bin Laden

Sir Alex Ferguson

Barack Obama

The announcement of the death of Osama Bin Laden shocked the world. His death has of course been met with many reactions among those affected by his actions and views over the last 15 years. Without wanting to be insensitive to those tragically affected by his actions, it must be remembered that while a criminal to many, Osama was to many something of a freedom fighter, even hero, to others. It depended from which direction you were looking into that fish bowl called life. Whatever your view, we can say his actions ignited the most radical over-haul of security and geo-political policy since the late 1940’s.

He effected change in so many facets of our life that his impact will be remembered for generations. In my ‘home grown’ Leadership training program ‘Leadership, Culture and the Modern Workplace’, I get participants to rate a group leaders from ‘Most Effective’ to ‘Least Effective’. In the exercise the participants are initially given 8 photos of world identities. The exercise is simple. Build a leadership criteria and select the most to least effective leader of the eight identities. The faces on display include Barack Obama, Bill Gates, Hilary Clinton, Sir Alex Ferguson , Indira Gandhi and later I add a nineth identity, that being Osama Bin Laden. Of course most people’s judgment on these personalities has little experiential substance. Not many have worked directly or indirectly for any of these people, let alone met them. What is interesting is that most groups end up with Osama Bin Laden either first or last or last on their list. Those who rate him number one usually do so because they see him as a persuasive influencing figure who was able to inspire others to follow him. These people are usually judging him purely on his effectiveness. On the other hand those (the majority) who rate him last tend to make comments related to his ‘lack of values’, ‘murdering ways’ or ‘misguided use of a beautiful religion’. Suddenly, we see the judgment become values based. Perhaps the exercise that is being undertaken by the latter group is a rating system based on a ‘good’ leader as opposed to an ‘effective’ leader. And ultimately, for them, the word good demands a personal judgment on character to be made. This seems to suggest that values are important to people when they choose who they follow.

Forum Questions

Are values a connecting point with staff for managers in business or do people really not care what their managers place value on? Do managers in business need to demonstrate behaviors associated with a values set acceptable to most team members or do they simply need to demonstrate technical competence in order to inspire followers?

What is a ‘Valid’ test for leadership?

Next week is  ANZAC week in Australia.  A time to remember the immense contribution of the men and women who have fought under the flags of Australia and New Zealand.  It really makes me think about people who have had to lead those soldiers through the worst of human conditions.  The bravery of having to lead a group over the trenches, drive through unknown dangers or having to keep up the spirits of POWs as they buried their own.

When I hear the stories of those who have experienced and survived war, I must admit to feeling significantly humbled by those who have lead people through horrific situations.  I then think about those who lead in business and ask the question ‘Is our leadership capacity untested?’  Does the business arena really provide a valid arena for human beings to demonstrate their leadership capacity?’  Sanitised, in so many ways; a protected environment. Or is a leader simply as good as the environment they find themself in?

Open Discussion – Why are women more satisfied than men at work?

According to the iHR Australia APEV survey, women are clearly more satisfied with their work life than men?   Furthermore, Generation Y is far less satisfied than baby boomers?  Why do you believe this is so and what should organisations be doing to increase levels of satisfaction?

http://www.ihraustralia.com/APEV-Survey-Results-Report-November-2010.pdf

Leadership Essentials 2.1 – Leaders Build Mental and Physical Tenacity

Physical fitness drives clear thinking and a capacity to perform and survive the challenges we are confronted with.

In my earlier post I described how much I hate losing. In fact while I know losing teaches us so many things, I personally hate it. I personalise it. I ask myself ‘What is it I did wrong?’ or ‘What was it about us they didn’t like?’. To have those thoughts is natural. To not quickly overcome them is dangerous because it takes away our focus. If you are an entrepreneurial leader, creative in spirit, intensity of feelings is something to be managed.  Focus is sometimes challenging to maintain.

I have also spoken in earlier posts about how life throws up some pretty ‘mean’ challenges.  Family problems, a move, a new job, financial struggles, relationship breakdowns, death, new life, personal illness and so on. Many of these test us and make focus very difficult.

Mental and physical tenacity is our ability to survive the challenges that life throws at us and continue performing to our highest possible level. To still have the energy to perform despite all kinds of distractions and pressures. For me, building and maintaining that tenacity relies on a strict regime of fitness.

I want to preface the following by saying I am far from an elite sportsman. I play a range of ball sports adequately and get deeply involved in sports with my children. May I also preface the following by suggesting before you do any intense exercise or change diets you seek advice from a doctor or related expert.

In organisations leaders are generally time poor. We have a thousand excuses for not doing exercise. I take, however, 80 minutes four to five times a week. Even during intense periods of personal or work life. That time is part of my work. That means sometimes I will take the 80 minutes at 6am and others 10am or 3pm. Basically I don’t have a set time for exercising because that gives me an excuse to say ‘I didn’t have the time to get to my specific work-out time’….if you know what I mean.

My work-out is usually a combination of running and weight training.  I am actually running better in my late forties than I was in my early thirties. Simply I am more motivated and clearly see the place intense exercise has in my life.  My exercise is not golf, which I am sure is great for the spirit and social interaction, but has little impact on building physical tenacity. I find it fascinating when I go to a public gym the number of people, especially young men, sitting on equipment looking at themselves in the mirror.

There are many highly intense exercise routines that don’t require running, therefore jarring of the bones. For those who do enjoy running though, great shoes are important despite university studies that say otherwise. For me it is the difference between painful shin splints and being able to easily run 8km. The other great product I use to build and maintain the cartlige in my knees is Blackmores Glucosamine. Without those two products intensity of exercise would be impossible for me.

Intensity in exercise is all about giving focus.  If your exercise is Yoga, running or football training, it is important to put yourself in the zone. My actual exercise time is never more than 6o minutes (my 80 minutes alows for preparation and a shower following the workout). My running, stomach exercises and high rep. weights routine are performed  in quick succession, really never giving me a time to sit still. The intensity is about losing myself. That is the key to a really good workout. Losing yourself in it, not fighting to stay in it.

Importantly, I have found I need one weeks rest every 6 weeks to refresh and rejuvenate myself to be able do another five weeks of intensity. I definitely avoid breaks longer than a week because I lose momentum. I begin to eat badly and my total regime breaks down.  On the other hand if I have no breaks I get tired , run down and more likely to experience illness and downs. Life is a balance.

Many executives use fitness trainers.  I don’t and I think if you need to for an extended period of time, day after day, you may not be learning to help yourself; not building your own mental and physical tenacity. On the other hand fitness trainers can be very useful as a starting point or regular point of instruction on training technique.

Finally, having fitness goals are often an imperative to motivation. I have two. My weight and running time / distance. This helps with immediate purpose for each workout. I keep a spreadsheet to record workout days, running distances and weekly weight. What I have found is that we generally have a natural comfortable weight. I am not interested in losing for the sake of losing. Just staying around that natural weight. If I put on weight, I quickly reduce by controlling my food intake, especially that of carbohydrates and saturated fats, and reducing my intake of heavy foods at night. Of course dieticians will often tell you to avoid large meals and to consume smaller, healthy meals and snacks up to 6 times a day.  Please consult an expert on this matter.

The point is that mental and physical tenacity is built upon regimes.  It doesnt just happen from nothing.  The end point is that we are able to survive tougher times because we are phsically stronger.  I have also found intense exercise gives me great perspective.  For some reason after that tough and intense run, bike ride, rowing session, football practice, yoga session, dance class, martial arts session or whatever it is you do, an issue or challenge that seemed impossible, suddenly has its place and you have more strength to deal with it.

Leadership Essentials 1.1 – Losing Should Hurt

THinking Too Much?

It is 5.00am. I am awake thinking about a job we didn’t get yesterday. I am stewing on the fact that it was maybe something we did or didn’t do that influenced the client’s decision the wrong way. It was a good contract and I love working with them! Actually I was fuming yesterday afternoon but now I am just stewing. It’s all pretty emotional really, but then running the company is an emotional experience. When you ultimately run the show, losing an opportunity can feel like the end of the world, but then my real strength as a leader has always been getting over a lost opportunity by learning from the mistake or simply accepting it was out of my control, then winning the next one.

One thing I realise is that the day ‘losing the opportunity’ doesn’t hurt anymore I should step down from my job.  If you want to be a key leader you need to care about what you do or you should give it away. And I hate this hurting feeling. I get so angry about what I see as unnecessary failure…I think that’s the high achiever in me. I know sometimes I get ridiculous because I am a truly intense individual. But in my view you need to feel hurt when you don’t achieve a goal or a favorable outcome. Not that I can show it to my people. I try not to show my disappointments although my people will tell you sometimes it spews over. I don’t like to focus on negatives.

This lost opportunity seems due to a  change of thought process internal to our client although on Monday we will sit down and evaluate the circumstances and decide if there was any more we could have done as a team. Maybe we can get back in the race somehow. We havent missed out on many big contracts lately. We have got a really good proposal to trade ratio because in this area our product is spot on……but it still hurts.

What I do need to remember is that we had word today that one of my favourite clients in Asia has asked for a lot of training over the next few months. It’s funny how I woke up worrying about the one we didn’t get instead of rejoicing about what we won. Yes I must remember to remind the team about the one we got!

Anyway I better get some sleep.  I want to run 12km in the morning.  I have had a busy week and haven’t achieved my fitness goal yet which will get me uptight.

Leading for Everyone – Share the Love Around

A point I passionately emphasise in all my leadership programs is that leaders need to lead for everyone, not just a few. That can be difficult especially when we consider that you might not really personally connect with everyone who directly reports to you. The bottom line is that ‘like them or not’ your personal preferences should not be obvious. Quite clearly we should all be striving for the ‘no favourites’ policy.

This is especially important in the light of iHR Australia’s 2010 APEV survey results. The number one most valued element of culture was that ‘managers treat their staff fairly and with respect’. In iHR Asia’s 2010 APEV Survey conducted in Thailand the cultural attribute of ‘being treated with fairness and respect’ was the second most valued attribute for professional employees.  Quite simply, employees around the world value fairness. Although there may be some variance on the definition of fairness between cultures, it can be said that employees who perceive that they are being treated fairly are more likely to be engaged and motivated than those who don’t.

Fairness is not some out of date highly legalistic concept embedded in the social or justice system. With more sophisticated societies it seems to become a human need, let alone in many countries, a human right.  The concept, wherever you are in the commercial world includes having an equal opportunity to succeed, being recognised for performing to the required level and being subject to the same rules and regulations as others.  From a leadership perspective alone, you can also add the ideas of having equal access to and attention from a leader.  Nepotism and corruption are less tolerated and ultimately will alienate those who act in that way.

When we don’t lead for all team members the results are problematic for the leader, not just for the employees. It means that some people will feel connected to us and others won’t. The employees that are not connected to us become a blind spot. They won’t talk to us about matters that they are unhappy with or concerned about and hence, more likely to play their dissatisfactions out in an unhealthy manner. For example, rumour mongering, ‘ presenteeism’ or a lack of discretionary effort.  Leaders will also find themselves becoming increasingly reliant on their ‘favourites’ to get things done placing an increasing pressure on fewer bodies. Our job as leaders and coaches (see our program I’m a Leader I’m a Coach)  is to build a depth of talent as opposed to creating an unhealthy reliance on high performers who should be constantly prepared for their next challenge.

Things to Do

• With those whom you have close friendships with, take the time to explain that when at work you need to be seen as fair to everyone and not to have favourites.  Explain the results of surveys that indicate that people expect to be treated fairly by their manager.
• Get to know something that is important to all those who work directly work for you. It’s good to know such things as their favourite football team, the fact that their daughter is completing her final year of school or that they have a sick parent. These are connection points and an indicator we are interested in everybody.  Don’t leave out the introverts.  I know you can’t force personal information out of everyone, but it is amazing how much consistent ‘hellos’ help.
• At the team lunch, dinner or even team meeting move around the table (or room) and don’t just sit with the people you naturally connect with. Perhaps pick out four points around the table and do some mingling.
• Share around the good jobs.  I know you have your stars and there are people that you trust will do that task or project right time, first time.  If that person is always getting the ‘good jobs’ then you will create division and resentment. Of course elite performers should be rewarded, but not at the expense of developing the depth and skills of the wider work force.
• Share the Recognition; recognition should be given when and where it’s due.  However, when there is an opportunity to build confidence, take it!

Things Not to Do

• DO NOT constantly take the same one or two individuals into your office or work space and indulge in private jokes or banter.
• DO NOT allow star performers to behave badly because they are star performers.  Team rules are team rules and courageous leaders take a stand on poor behavior.
• DO NOT concentrate on poor performance and behavior at the expense of having positive interactions with those who are performing, doing their job properly and setting the example for others.  How often we managers find ourselves indulging in hours of strategy and action to manage a non-performer at the expense of recognising those who are doing it well.
• DO NOT build close friendships simply on the basis of working together.  Good friendships are built out of a natural affinity and will develop on their own accord.  If you want to spend personal time with a reporting employee, do so but without alienating the rest of the team with Monday morning discussions about what a great weekend you had together.  Don’t forget the debrief with your new friend about leading for everyone in the team.
• DO NOT go out drinking and socialising with staff as a means of gaining connection.  The connection should begin at the workplace.  If an affinity of great magnitude grows, play it out well and truly outside the workplace.

The Shock of Imposed Change

Leaders must lead through and with change.  Sometimes that change is happening in the organisation such as a restructure of roles, a mindset change or a change in business focus.  Sometimes that change is happening within his or her own life.  A marriage, a divorce, a relocation or house move, an injury or death of a loved one can all affect our capacity to lead.  One thing that has been reinforced to me recently is that major change affects us all, and that even leaders, themselves, often need to go through a process to grieve the place they were in order to get to the place they need to be.

Quite recently I discovered the body of a close relative. She had taken her own life. It has been an extraordinary three months since. It was the first time I have been faced with such a situation and my life will never be the same. It was the first time I had been confronted with another human being making such a dramatic decision. When we arrived at the scene the person was gone. The shell was empty. Seated peacefully with hands clasped she had at least, it seemed, experienced a peaceful and painless death.  The individual had lived with chronic but manageable illness for some years.  Bless her heart, a kind and independent person who had made a choice that for most of us is unimaginable. Some people use the word selfish, others courageous. Whatever the reaction it has left the two of us who found the body shocked. And shock usually seems to change the way we look at life forever.

Since the event I have attempted to show leadership on the issue, especially to my immediate family. Calmness, compassion and moving forward, has been my motto.  Holding hands, keeping positive and trying to supply those around me with a balance of logical and spiritual sense required when dealing with the unexplainable.  I have tried to maintain my own equilibrium by a disciplined schedule of work, fitness and family time. I cut my rigorous travel time table. But it’s been a tough journey and that has had the potential to have a marked affect on my moods and consistency.

The other day I decided I should have a debriefing because a few people around me suggested it’s a good idea when you have been faced with such an experience. I visited a counsellor. I explained to her that I didn’t feel this was all that necessary because I seemed to be coping pretty well. After twenty minutes of standard questions I began to explain the sequence of events that had occurred that Friday. Tears ran down my face as I recounted the story. It was uncontrollable. The tower of strength was quickly broken down. I realised the pain had been hiding itself. Leaders tend to do that. We put away the pain associated with everyday living: stresses, difficulties with relationships, sexual problems,  business decisions gone wrong, failing at something we care about, loss of a job, marriages and relationships gone wrong, and of course, terrible shocks. We put them away and allow them to fester. And while my attempts to put away the suicide were definitely admirable, they had been taking their toll. I could feel the energy running out of me like water down the plug hole. I was exhausted from telling the story.

When I had finished dissecting the experience, the counsellor explained that change, especially such intense change, generally requires us to undertake a process by which we can rediscover some sense of equilibrium.  And that through that process feelings such as anger, depression, disorientation, denial are all normal.  It was helpful, because I hadn’t let myself experience any of them. Basically I hadn’t let myself grieve. Yes with change, I was reminded, people need to grieve. People grieve what has been, what no longer feels or looks the same. They grieve patterns that once were and no longer can be.  The psychologist explained to me that when one gets stuck at certain point in the grieving process that is when they need intervention.

Since the session, I have thought about all the changes people face in the workplace. I felt about how we often just impose new structures and roles on people without actually managing them through the process of change.  Many of these changes are actually life changing for them and we expect them to just ‘go with it.’  For example, breaking up a team that has worked together for years alters the life patterns for all team members.  Some might embrace the change willingly but for others there can being quite some period of grieving before they accept the change.

I thought about the great sportsman that finally has to ‘give it away’ for a real life.   How a musician must feel when the band stops selling albums and they have to give away stardom, a politician who is voted out.  I thought about why so many of them are driven to drink, drugs and suicide because the shock and grieving associated with change is never managed. I thought about how a vulnerable the terminated employee can be.

Last Thursday, I also realised that leaders also need space to grieve the impacts of the major changes we are faced with; especially those that are enforced upon us by events out of our control. Few of us independent souls called leaders want to place the burden of grieving on others, but we do need to find the space to let out what needs to be let out. Those tears which had been really quite uncontrollable were the build-up then out pouring of emotion.  They were the release of weeks of anxiety associated with a major change.  And, if I am honest, they were inhibiting my decision making and the clarity of my communication. The lesson is really quite simple. Leaders need to manage and grieve change to ensure their own sustained performance.

Keeping In Touch

2011

This year this blog is going to be more warts and all. Last year we filled it with premeditated articles about what leaders should be doing, especially in relation to behavior.  This year I want to explore more about how leaders feel, the experiences we have and what we draw on to survive them, prosper and most importantly, continue to take people forward. To me, what separates being a leader from simply being a manager is the leading / following component. Leaders have a destination and a capacity to take people to it, management tends to be more about operational execution.

Being in Touch

At iHR I like my key managers to have done some living. I think it gives them much greater capacity.  I like them to demonstrate that they can touch people’s emotion by being in touch. If you can touch people, make them feel something, then your capacity to influence and guide is much greater.  For example the day a former manager of mine simply told me ‘I trust you Steve’ was momentous for my professional confidence.  He could have offered me a $10,000 bonus instead but the way he said it was a far more motivational tool than any other benefit. He looked straight at me and his tone was matter of fact…not slimey or an insincere rhetoric from some text book.  Basically he touched me.

Touching people requires a level of emotional maturity and sense. This is generally gained through experience and then, a capacity to digest that experience in a constructive way. It is about being in touch with yourself. Most of us have had several intense life experiences; a deep love, loss of a deep love, an accident, loss of a job, an emotional blow out or a broken dream. I have found that effective leaders never forget these experiences. They embrace them, give them perspective and learn to articulate them in a useful way. To be able to explain that experience at a critical moment can be pivotal to those around you. Not only to help them deal with their own life situations, but also to create a connection.

Facebook………….

I want my leaders to be current. How sick I get of people my age (48) bemoaning Facebook, Twitter,MSN and the technologies of the modern age. I use them because they are useful and my knowledge of advanced society’s key communication tools allows me to more effectively connect with thoughts, feelings and influences of my organizations emerging  talent…..and my daughter. If you don’t understand the principles of systems and tools that drive the emerging generation of professionals then you are out of touch.

I want my key managers to have their eyes and minds open. I want them to understand the key components of personal life that generate and affect performance. A workplace attraction, extra marital affair or unwelcome advance can have an impact on how a person functions hence performs. A family breakdown, change in lifestyle or a new child can all impact on people’s interaction with the organisation. I want my key manager  to understand these things are happening to people and do affect them.  Better still, my key manager may have even experienced intense and difficult situations themselves giving them not just empathy, but also a strong sense of perspective on how that experience affects a person. How helping someone through an intense moment in their life can ultimately give them a sense of engagement to my organisation. I want my key manager to be able to know the professional line between being supportive and getting involved to the detriment of the business.

My experience last year of finding a close relative dead, having committed suicide, gave me so many interesting perspectives on work impacts.  The shock itself was immense and for many weeks impacted on all aspects of my work life. Concentration, motivation and communication all took a beating. While I wish the experience on nobody, the experience gave me some clarity about the importance of people enjoying time at work. Life is short and happiness a gift we all deserve. People who don’t feel a general sense of happiness in their daily work life should simply leave. I could never be so emphatic about that until this experience. I was deeply touched by the experience, and it can allow me to touch those around me.

Academic success alone is no qualification for being an effective modern day leader in business or any other part of life. Your ability to touch people by being relevant and drawing effectively on experience is crucial. It’s been interesting watching a whole lot of seemingly irrelevant and out of touch men losing their mantle and power across the Middle East in recent times.  Men, brought down by a new sense of empowerment driven by some of the modern technologies spoken about above.  Some allege that Facebook technology facilitated a revolution in Egypt. Boards of Directors and executive teams should heed the warning. Insular ‘old boys’ clubs won’t cut the mustard. Being in touch is essential . So is being able to touch; influencing, motivating and empowering by knowing what to say and how to say it to a far more socially empowered generation.  I’ll never forget the executive from a large technology provider who a few years ago who told me ‘we will simply break the backs of the small internet providers that are hovering around us’. Furthermore, ‘what the hell could we learn from them?’. No wonder the company’s share price remains stagnant and its service in question!  Simply out of touch and with that style no capacity to touch.